On Cruel and Unusual Torture

Why would anyone in their right mind do vault? Why is it even an event? My theory is that they didn't want everyone to do gymnastics, so they put it in as a deterrent, figuring about half of those interested in gymnastics would not join because it would involve running 15 miles per hour at a stationary object.

Really, whoever invented the I'll-run-bounce-off-a-springboard-then-attempt-to-fly-which-anybody-with-a-little-sense-in-their-head-knows-won't-work was a genius. They sure have got crowd control mastered.

But then us few insane wackos who do it anyway are probably legally able to prosecute our coaches for cruel and unusual punishment. Doing it once I guess I could understand, kind of like, Oh, I'll smoke marijuana once just to see what it's like, or, You know, I really don't feel that my life will be complete until I've jumped off a moving train, so hey, why not? But being forced to do it again and again, that has got to be unconstitutional!

Scientific Problems Part II

If my little spiel on science a couple of days ago wasn't enough for you, here are some more complaints.

In one class period (about a week ago), my Science teacher managed to tell us that P stood for Potassium on the periodic table (it stands for Phosphorus; Potassium is K), spell Heisenberg wrong (and she even had a sheet for notes!), AND get the number of valence electrons of Lithium and Phosphorus wrong.

Today, she sent half of our class to ISS (In-School Suspension). There are 8 seats in the ISS room. She sent 12 people. One teacher is not supposed to even be sending more than 2. If a teacher can't manage her class, she should be fired; another teacher shouldn't have to do her work.

On Science Through The Ages

As I was sitting in Science the other day, reading a book under my desk (but I might as well have had it out in the open — my Science teacher thinks P stands for Potassium, so I doubt if she is even conscious of the world around her), a thought occurred to me. Who are we to preach about science? I bet the Ancient Romans thought their methods were right, too. We are probably wrong! Why don't we just accept this and not study science in school? It's not going to serve us well later in life anyway.

A Roman physician letting blood.

I'm sure this revelation had nothing to do with my utter boredom with the subject.

The Importance of Blogging

This was from the comic strip "Pearls Before Swine" by Stephan Pastis, published July 13, 2008.

To Kill A Teacher

My Literacy teacher was trying to analyze To Kill A Mockingbird in class the other day. "So, what does the mockingbird symbolize? Why won't Atticus allow Jem to kill them?"

About 5 bemused faces turned to look at her because the rest of the class didn't even bother to turn around. She decided to try a different approach: implant her thoughts in our heads. "The mockingbird symbolizes people who only bring good to the world, yet are very vulnerable. Who is a mockingbird character in this book?"

Again, everybody ignored the question asked. I, horrified that Atticus could weigh one life against another, had a different idea. "Bluejays have just as much right to live as mockingbirds. Maybe mockingbirds are the people in society you can't hit and bluejays are ordinary people."

My teacher clearly didn't have as developed a sense of ethics as I did. "No, you're wrong. That's not what mockingbirds symbolize."

"How do you know?" I asked. "Are you Harper Lee?"

"No, but I know what a mockingbird symbolizes, and it's not high people in society."

"Well, I think that's a very closed-minded approach." Teachers were always going on about keeping an open mind, and this hypocrisy was not going to fly with me.

"Do you think you know better than me, young lady?" Actually, I did, but given my detention history (it's not my fault we only get 3 minutes in between classes and you can get a detention for tardies. Really, blame the system; don't blame me), I figured I had better not enlighten her on my thoughts.

"No, of course not," (after all, you're the teacher, and we all know a college degree equals immediate wisdom gain, right?) "I just think there might be more than one solution."

"Well there's not." At this point, I think I might have said something like, "OK, Harper Lee," because I was asked to please leave the classroom until the discussion was over. Another martyr for justice in the school system. Atticus would have been proud. Oh wait, he kills bluejays.