The Apple And The Tomato

There is a big difference between slicing an apple and slicing a tomato.

When you slice an apple, you have to use a small, sharp knife and make clean cuts, applying a lot of pressure.

When you slice a tomato, you have to use a serrated knife (my grandfather had a special tomato knife, but I think he was unusual in that respect) and apply very little pressure, sawing back and forth gently.

And that is not the kind of insight you will find anywhere else on the internet.

Spaghetti Is My Nemesis

I was recently reading a book in which the character is eating dinner. Now what would she be eating for dinner? Spaghetti, of course. Not only did this lucky girl get spaghetti, she was also eating bread with it. Bread and spaghetti! For the same meal!

Mine might not seem like a typical reaction, so to try to explain, let me tell you about my complicated relationship with gluten.

About 5 years ago, I was supposed to go to the hospital and get some blood tests done to see why I wasn't growing as much as most children my age. They found the only thing wrong with me (on a related note, when did being short start to be considered a bad thing? It's genetics. You have achieved absolutely nothing if you are tall. If you take pride in your height, that just means you have done nothing else you can brag about. Get a life!) was that I had a high level of gluten antibodies.

Gluten is a protein found in barley, rye, and wheat. Barley and rye are not nearly as common as wheat, but the inability to eat wheat means no bread, pancakes, cake, cookies, bagels, doughnuts, toast, waffles, tortillas, pizza, or pasta of any sort, INCLUDING SPAGHETTI.

It turns out I am not allergic to gluten yet, but I have to go to the hospital every month or so to get another test because it is likely I will become allergic. I think this is all a waste of time. I am not allergic. Do you have no faith in your medical equipment? That blood-analysis machine probably cost more than my house. If it can't give you an accurate reading now, it never will. You took your test, now get the hell out of my life!

Unfortunately, not everybody shares my sentiments. My parents, for example, think that avoiding gluten is good for me. My happiness is obviously not a priority in our household. Occasionally we will have spaghetti made from quinoa instead of wheat, but never with bread. Just my luck I get the crappy genes. And I'm short! (But we've already decided that's not a bad thing.)

But this is under the vegetarian cooking section, so I owe you a recipe. Here's a recipe for tomato sauce you can put on your wheat spaghetti. As you eat it, think of me. And pity me.

P.S. Clearly this person can't count because they say it takes 10 minutes but if you look at the directions it takes 15 minutes and 30 seconds plus whatever time it takes to melt the butter, chop and mix ingredients, stir, season, and cook until simmering. Ah, well, we can't all pass first grade math.

This recipe was taken from 

http://www.food.com/recipe/10-minute-tomato-sauce-from-americas-test-kitchen-429838#.

On Vegetarian Cooking

When I was in first grade, I decided to become a vegetarian because I thought that eating other animals was very unethical. This posed a couple problems, mainly that I didn't do the cooking in my house and that my mother was not all-too-supportive of my decision because I was already anemic. I don't know if anyone is in the same situation as me in that you are having trouble finding good vegetarian recipes, so I am here to help. This is why I have set up a Vegetarian Cooking section of my blog.

Now, if I was a good blogger, I would post many nutritious, delicious, easy-to-make recipes that everyone would love. However, I am not a good blogger, so instead I am going to aggravate you by posting a recipe for cake. Also, this is called Hummingbird Cake, so the name alone has already violated any vegetarian diet. I can, however, assure you that it is delicious.

No hummingbirds were harmed in the making of this blog post nor are they harmed in the making of this cake.